Unmasking Rejection

Following this testimony series, here is the final testimony of this series…

This is part of my testimony, I give glory to God for healing and giving me the strength to use past brokenness as my trophy! I must admit, this is still a healing process, but God has been faithful. One of the most painful things I faced is rejection from my Dad. Growing up without your biological father there isn’t easy, yes, of course, God is my ultimate Father, but it hasn’t been easy. You still tend to crave that attention one receives from their Dad, or now look for love in the wrong places.
My testimony has a clique start just like most people, just like everyone else I grew up in a Christian household. Going to church was just a routine, I would go church because I had to. Taking part in all church activities and event’s but I still did not know God. Truthfully speaking, I was in church, but I wasn’t in church. How does that even work? As mentioned before, I was going church because it was
a routine not because my heart desired to be there. If anything, I would wish that we would oversleep so that we didn’t have to go. I went through a rough storm, I was in the complete wilderness. I thought that I could handle everything on my own. I was sinking into a dark whole.
Growing up I was ever so close to My Dad, literally, he was my best friend. I was the definition of a Daddy’s girl. However, things changed which really caused me to be confused. As I grew older, I started to see some cracks in my parent’s marriage. My Mum would do whatever she can to cover up for my sake, my Dad, on the other hand, was very relaxed. Around the age of 11/12 my parents separated, my Dad just left with no explanation. At this point, I was so confused, angry and heartbroken. I did everything with my Dad and he truly was my best friend. Him leaving felt like a part of me had been ripped off. After my Dad leaving we had no contact. At this point, anger had taken over, at that young age I was getting in trouble at school. I was very rude to teachers, had a
bad attitude and kept falling out with friends. I failed to understand what my Mum was already going through, so you can imagine what getting phone calls home about me was doing to her.
It came a time where I would now just reflect previous years, asking myself did my Dad really love me? Am I even loved? What am I even doing here? I would do things that a ‘ Child of God should not be doing’, it came a time where I came across porn. I would be disgusted but still, watch. I cried my small self to sleep every night, asking God why am I even here. I felt so alone and rejected, I even now started remembering the times my dad would leave me alone at night at a young age to go out while my Mum was at work. The place we lived at the time wasn’t safe, so imagine a young child being left alone at such hours. It is only grace that kept me. I was in such a dark place, all I had was
dark thoughts. At the age of 11/12, I tried to take my own life 3 times, God did not allow it. I remember the last time I tried, a bright light just blinded me from the window. Back then I had no idea I just thought it was the sun, however, God has taken back there in a dream and I saw it was the angel of the Lord who stopped me. I wasn’t even saved but God had my back.
I and my mum decided to move out of the town we used to stay, the memories were too painful for my mum. Things went from bad to worse, my relationship with my Mum was so unhealthy. Constantly arguing every day, it pains me to even write this I showed no respect whatsoever. At the same time, my Mum was hurting some being the only one in the house she would take all anger out on me. I went back to the dark days, crying myself to sleep every night, self-harming and questioning God. Although my dad left and hurt us, I would still try to find ways to communicate or meet up. Everything I did was not enough, being the only child, I didn’t understand. It got to the point where I
was told that I don’t matter, or you were a cover-up, but my dad was there for my cousins and what not. It was so hurtful seeing display pictures of them calling him dad and appreciating all he does for them.

However, when I got saved at 17 my spiritual eyes were open. The Holy Spirit showed me that through everything God has always taught me to love still, imagine being hurt so bad but still loving someone? It can only be God. Through that love God has healed me, no its not been easy but because of God I stand at peace of mind. The process still goes on, but God has been good.
I still pray for my dad out of love, I may have been hurt but I’m still here. Sometimes understand that the presence of the devil truly influences people. So, we should battle this in prayer, God will stand before us. I can proudly say that after 5 years of no communication, last year my Dad got hold of me.We are now working on our relationship, surely the Lord has never forsaken me. I sometimes wonder where and who would I be if I hadn’t gone through this? God used such a heart-breaking
situation to make me. I can’t stop thanking God for my Dad now honestly, I wouldn’t be who I am today, I wouldn’t even understand my worth had it not been for this rejection. Rejection unmasked something beautiful in me. My encouragement to you is that, there are certain things that God allows you to go through not because he’s forsaken you but so that He can move you to another glory. What you go through, is preparation for something greater and a breakthrough. God has been faithful in ways I cannot express; this testimony is just one of many ways where I have seen the hand
of God.

Ruvimbo Chirere.

For more information follow, Ruvimbo on Twitter: @_miissrue


Sapphire Brown


I guess I will start off with my earliest memory in life which was believing I was worthless, ugly and that no one with ever love. {I know so deep for a opener}

In primary school I was the tallest girl overlooking all the 7 years old in the playground and had the biggest wide spread nose. So from an early age I was poked at for being different and was bullied.

At the age of 10 – 11, I felt I had a good idea of myself. I “knew” I was fat, ugly and no one will ever love me. No one ever told me this but the rejection for school bullies solidified that belief.

Growing up I went to a Catholic church where I used to sing in the choir (if you know me you know I LOVE to sing)  and attended Mass – at that point in life (11 – 12 years), God was up in the sky, with a big brown stick and long white beard ready to punish me and judge me, if I stepped out of line.

Lets fast forward to Stephanie starting university at 18 years old. The issues picked up from school were never resolved (secondary and college was more pleasant I never got bullied but I used to bully bullies) but underneath the hard south London / Luton girl I had LOW low low self-esteem and worth.

So Brunel University 2008 was FREEDOM, RAVING, NEW FRIENDS AND GOOD GOOD GOOD TIMES (Before snap chat) raving in the academy was our social media. I found myself living life and enjoying myself getting into a FEW sticky situation which were birthed out of a lack of self-esteem.

Always craving attention from guys at raves, giving my number to anyone who was interested either on the road side or raving ANY capacity (remember the lie I had since I was 7 years old was NO ONE will EVER love me)

AND then one day!! I was having serious self-hate issues the Jan of my 1st year of university when everyone went home for Christmas and new year break. I noticed that when everything slowed down the raving, the drink ups, hall parties it was ME, MYSELF & I and I hated that. I hated ME. I didn’t like me didn’t want to be around me (so weird because I was with me ALL my life)

I started having a conversation with my friend while chilling on campus on Saturday and I said “it would be great if we start going to church you know new year, new me” at this point there was no intention of relationship, I just thought it would be the right thing to do.

After weeks of waking up late on Sundays due to going raving the night before or even going to the wrong church a mutual friend invited me to Majesty Champion Centre and if you know me, you know it was GAME over from then.

I went to this church where people were passionate about God, loved him and made him PERSONAL. I was less confused like most as I knew of a God and believed in him, I was more intrigued by their love for a God who I believed sat in the sky over seeing everyone’s life.

Like most I attended church Sunday to Sunday for a while – what really helped was that the church was filled with university students which made it like a social club but then I started to go to bible study and prayer meeting during the week and my faith went from 0 – 100 and only then did the 10 year self-hating Stephanie CAME UP.

With help the help of Godly women, friends and READING THE WORD OF GOD , I learnt about my identity in Christ. I learnt that I a WHOLE me actually mattered to God, with time (LITERALLY TIME, there is no quick fix) I learned to LOVE me.

It TOOK time with the love of God friends and family I learnt to LOVE ME.

So if you have a similar story DON’T feel ashamed as I did FOR YEARS. If you have someone who loves God and is of good counsel talk to them and start the HEALING PROCESS TODAY!

To find out more about Sapphire follow her on Instagram:

Stefan Blake

The next few weeks I will be having guest writers share their testimonies, I pray that their testimonies will inspire and help you see God in your life. 

Well I have always grown up in a Christian household, always went to church every Saturday morning with the family but because I was young I was never focused and always used to fall asleep in church.

Growing up going through school, college etc if I was asked what my beliefs were it would be a Christian off course but I never really understood or fathom what it actually is to be a Christian..

Until 2014 came around, I was in a group chat with a lot of people a very bait group chat never consisted of anything but banter and a very dear friend of mine goes by the name of JP kept sending Bible scriptures in the group chat while everyone else was bantering..

NOW you could possibly imagine everyone’s reaction to why he was sending scriptures.. but me I was very curious as why he did so I messaged him personally and we spoke and then he sent me a video.. which really convicted me made me really take a look at myself and my beliefs that just be living God/Jesus alone is not enough to make it to Heaven and it was that day I gave my life to Christ born and and baptised that same year.

To contact Stefan here’s his Twitter: @_Madting

Peace & Love

Twitter: @NatashaK18


Since, the new year has started have you felt stuck?

You’re praying for something and you have the confidence that it shall come to pass but when you think it will happen it doesn’t….

I’ve noticed that everyone has different approaches when a new year starts, some boast about what they achieved in the previous year and expect to do the same in the new year, some keep quiet and make silent moves meanwhile there are those that just remain stuck.

These people are praying and spending time with God in their quiet time and they begin to move according to what God has told them. What they fail to realise is that, although God told them to move, he didn’t say ‘’how much’’ or ‘’where’’. As Christians, we need to be very careful when we ask God for things because he will give us things based on our requests but it is our job to make sure that with the little God may give us, we take care of it so that we are entrusted with the big things.

The focus of this post will be around Matthew 26:41 ‘’watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit is willing and the flesh is weak’’.

Jesus tells us to watch and pray. We are to keep our eyes peeled when we are praying, because we are to see that God is at work. Even when we do not see it, we need to have confidence in knowing that God is always at work. When we don’t see things the way God does, we need to pray and ask him to open our spiritual eyes so we can see things the way he intends us to see. Open up your eyes for understanding. As much as we use our eyes to see, it is important that we use our eyes to understand why certain things are happening and what is going on not just in our lives but in the lives of those around us.

It’s also that idea that we will not leave nor stop praying until you see the things you’re asking God for come to pass. There is power in persistent and consistent praying. Not praying a religious or recital prayer but praying because you know what God has said about you and you are not leaving this thing alone until there is an alignment with your prayer and God’s word.

When you notice that what you’re praying for isn’t coming to pass, your flesh will want to stop and give up. Your flesh will tell you that if it’s not happening now then it won’t happen at all. This is very dangerous. In these times, we need to make sure that we do not feed the flesh because it is easy to just agree and give up. You feel deflated that nothing seems to be happening and there’s that thought that you just want to fully throw in the towel but you have to constantly remind yourself of the promises that God has given you. If it helps, write scripture around your room that way you have a visual reminder that you can read daily when these thoughts get into your head. Know that it’s one thing saying scripture but actually believing it is a different thing.

You have a choice to either stay stuck, or continue to trust in the promises God has given you, what will you choose?

Peace & Love


Twitter: @NatashaK18


There is an importance in healing old wounds. Don’t continue 2018 with hurt from 2017

First things first, happy New Year guys! I hope that this year brings you nothing but joy, peace and love. May God meet you at your point of need and may he exceed your expectations. Just as 2 Corinthians 1:20’for all the promises of God are yes and amen’’. May the promises that God has given you begin to unravel in this year of greatness.

As we all settle into the first week of the New Year it is important to address that we all need to have dealt with all the pain and pressure that came with 2017. All the pain that you went through in 2017 was to shape you to be stronger and better. One thing that 2017 taught me was that in order for us to grow as people we need to allow ourselves time to heal. We cannot allow what happened in our past to dictate how we feel in our present or even affect us in the future. If we continue busying ourselves and ignoring how situations make us feel then it’ll all come crashing down and we will not know how to handle this.

We are told in 1 Peter 5:7 ‘’cast all your anxieties on him for he cares for you’’. You may have read this and not understood what it meant or even believed what it was saying. But God wants us to talk to him and communicate our anxieties to him because he knows what is best for us and will give us the best answer. Just the same as we communicate with our peers we need to have that level of communication with Christ. We need to go to him with our problems and wait for him to give us an answer before we run off and seek counsel. Giving your situation to God is the first step in the healing process, because we know that we cannot do this in our own strength but only by his strength.

While we are healing,it is important to have people around you that you can trust and confide in. There needs to be a level of transparency and encouragement with the people that we choose to have in our circle. The same way that Jesus didn’t take his disciples everywhere, we need to understand that on the journey you’re on with Christ, not everyone can come with you. It would be nice to have everyone we call ‘friend’ with us but the reality is that there are some places that God is taking you where others cannot dwell. We have to be able to ask God for discernment in realising who these people are and naturally God will remove them from our lives.
The healing process may take longer than what we want it to but once we come out of it we will be a testimony of what God can do. We need to be bold enough to help and encourage others. When you tell people how God helped you overcome, they have the courage to realise that they too can overcome what they are going through. Revelation 12:11 tells us ‘’that we will overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony’’. The word of our testimony is what we need to do. We need to testify of the wonders of Christ and you never know what testifying about God can do for those surrounding you. There is power in sharing about the goodness of God.

Let me encourage you with this:

Each day is new and it gives you the opportunity to be the best version of yourself, question is, are you willing to trust God or continue living in pain?

Peace & Love



Heart surgery 2.0

Following on from my last post if you haven’t read check it out (https://lordoutloud.wordpress.com/2017/12/12/heart-surgery/)

Proverbs 4:23
Guard your heart with all diligence for out of it flows the issues of life.

Guarding your heart doesn’t mean that you have to be cold and not let anyone into your life, it simply means that you have to protect what you let into your life. That being what you see, what you watch, what you listen to, what you hear and what you choose to think about. All of these things effect that status of your heart. It’s important to remember that we cannot be spiritually obese but skinny in application. This means that we cannot have all scripture in our hearts and do nothing with it.

It’s time to believe and receive what God has called you to have. As Isaiah 43:19 “”Behold! I am doing a new thing; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the desert”.

God wants to show you another level to your life. Where you become uncomfortable with comfort and you remain faithful so much that when you are pressing onto God, he does new things that our carnal minds couldn’t comprehend. He is the God of the turnaround but you have to let God be that for you. We all say that we want God to reveal certain things to us but have we even asked God to prepare our hearts for what he has in store for us?

Preparation of the heart is very important because once we ready our hearts, we have made room to receive what Christ has in store for us.

As it’s Christmas, one scripture I would like to focus on is Luke 2:7
“She gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in swaddling cloths and laid him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn”.

The inn keeper had told Mary and Joseph that there was no room in the inn for them but actually they managed to find room. This is like us with God, we all search for him and act like we have no room for him in our hearts but after experiencing Christ we remove things in our lives so he has a place. There is always room for Christ we just need to make room.

Before the end of the year, are you willing to make room for Christ or are you going to love the world and avoid Christ?

Peace & Love

Twitter: @NatashaK18

Heart Surgery

Before the year ends, I will be doing two features about heart surgery.

How many of us can truly say that we have dealt with any form of heartbreak that has occurred to us in the past?

Remembering your first heartbreak is not easy. We have all been there whether our hearts were broken by a male or female we can all say that at one point in our lives, we have had our hearts broken. It seems as though the older you get, the worse the heartbreak feels. This could be that we keep hold of how our heart was broken and we seem to take note of every detail in terms of the heartbreak. Like, some people can remember what they wore, where they were, how many people were in the room, what they ate before it happened. I mean the whole shabang. What I want to concentrate on this morning is to see whether we have dealt with our hearts being broken or whether we have let our heartbreak follow us throughout our lives. The title of this message is heart surgery. I believe today that God is going to mend some broken hearts.
There is no magic formula of how to deal with a broken heart, you kinda just learn how to deal with it over time. We kind of just assume that our hearts would mend back together that we don’t need to do anything just eat plenty of chocolate and pizza until we feel better. I’ve noticed that these days no one wants to talk, I mean really, really talk. We are all too busy on our phones prying with what is happening in someone else’s life that we can sometimes forget that we have our own lives to lead. But, because we are so busy, everyone is talking but who is actually listening?
Notice that I used the word listening because there is a difference, one can hear but the person who listens takes action upon what they have heard. Many of us are pouring our hearts out to people that hear us but really don’t care, fact, some people who you are quick to tell everything to are running to tell other people the exact same thing that you have just told them. We need to discern who and what we tell people so that we are guarding our hearts.

Proverbs 4:23 states GUARD your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life. Lemme break this down for y’all:

To guard something means that one is to watch over, keep hold of in order to control or protect against damage.

To have diligence means careful or persistent work or effort.

The fact that your heart contains the issues of life means that you have to be careful about what issues you are letting into your heart. Some of us are carrying too many issues in our hearts that really do not concern us. Not every battle you face, is yours to fight.
Guarding your heart simply means that we are to be careful about who we are speaking to about our heart issues. We all need to make sure that we have at least one person that we can talk to about what is going on within our lives. For so long, ‘religion’ has told us that we are alone. We need to break that and start living the word and being transparent with each other. I’m not saying to go around telling everyone your problems but seek God in whom you should open up to.

Religion has caused many of us to hide when we have a problem, if we are saying that we are the church and living by the standard that we are all for one and one for all then why are there so many heart issues within the church?

What I have come to learn is that you cannot expect to have it all together all the time. Like, it is actually impossible to have it all together. Believe me I have tried. Them ones when you’re facing something and you feel as though if you tell someone they will think differently about you. But, isn’t this what ‘church’ is about. Church is not just a place where we watch the pastor do everything, it is not just a place where we come to worship then go live in sin the rest of the week. Church is a place of family. It is a place where your brothers and sisters are, in which you all are seeking the Father’s heart.

Hebrews 3:8 says ‘’do not harden your hearts’’. If we say that we are Christians and are applying the word then did we all miss this scripture or…? It says DO NOT HARDEN YOUR HEARTS. That means that we are to not be so hostile with everything and that we are to soften our hearts. We have to learn to be honest. First be honest with yourself about what is the status of your heart is then be honest with those that can help you.

The problem is that no one wants to be honest with each other. We are all a bit too quick to reply on how we are looking instead of actually telling people how we are feeling. The way you look will not always determine how you feel. If you have an issue then talk to someone about it, first go to God and pour your heart out to him and then ask God to bring someone to you that will help you face the situation. In order for God to bring someone to us, we have to be open to receive.

Not everyone that you open up to is going to hurt you. We need to get out of this mentality that because I have been hurt in the past, I will be a closed book and not let anyone in because if we carry on like this, God will be trying to tell us something in order to help us but we have already shut down that we won’t be able to hear what God has to say. Then, we will start crying out that we cannot hear God when we have not opened our hearts to receive anything that God wants to give us.
Proverbs 17:22 says that a ‘’merry heart does good, like medicine but a broken spirit dries the bones.’’ Having a cheerful heart impacts the way you see life. Making sure that you have your heart right is key, because like we learnt in Psalm 4:23 out of it spring the issues of life, not only that but having your heart right will change your perspective on the way you see God and the way that he loves you unconditionally.

If you have an issue in your heart that you need prayer for then come up and people will pray for you. It’s time for you to see the joy that God wants you to have in your heart.

Peace & Love
Twitter: @NatashaK18