Following this testimony series, here is the final testimony of this series…
This is part of my testimony, I give glory to God for healing and giving me the strength to use past brokenness as my trophy! I must admit, this is still a healing process, but God has been faithful. One of the most painful things I faced is rejection from my Dad. Growing up without your biological father there isn’t easy, yes, of course, God is my ultimate Father, but it hasn’t been easy. You still tend to crave that attention one receives from their Dad, or now look for love in the wrong places.
My testimony has a clique start just like most people, just like everyone else I grew up in a Christian household. Going to church was just a routine, I would go church because I had to. Taking part in all church activities and event’s but I still did not know God. Truthfully speaking, I was in church, but I wasn’t in church. How does that even work? As mentioned before, I was going church because it was
a routine not because my heart desired to be there. If anything, I would wish that we would oversleep so that we didn’t have to go. I went through a rough storm, I was in the complete wilderness. I thought that I could handle everything on my own. I was sinking into a dark whole.
Growing up I was ever so close to My Dad, literally, he was my best friend. I was the definition of a Daddy’s girl. However, things changed which really caused me to be confused. As I grew older, I started to see some cracks in my parent’s marriage. My Mum would do whatever she can to cover up for my sake, my Dad, on the other hand, was very relaxed. Around the age of 11/12 my parents separated, my Dad just left with no explanation. At this point, I was so confused, angry and heartbroken. I did everything with my Dad and he truly was my best friend. Him leaving felt like a part of me had been ripped off. After my Dad leaving we had no contact. At this point, anger had taken over, at that young age I was getting in trouble at school. I was very rude to teachers, had a
bad attitude and kept falling out with friends. I failed to understand what my Mum was already going through, so you can imagine what getting phone calls home about me was doing to her.
It came a time where I would now just reflect previous years, asking myself did my Dad really love me? Am I even loved? What am I even doing here? I would do things that a ‘ Child of God should not be doing’, it came a time where I came across porn. I would be disgusted but still, watch. I cried my small self to sleep every night, asking God why am I even here. I felt so alone and rejected, I even now started remembering the times my dad would leave me alone at night at a young age to go out while my Mum was at work. The place we lived at the time wasn’t safe, so imagine a young child being left alone at such hours. It is only grace that kept me. I was in such a dark place, all I had was
dark thoughts. At the age of 11/12, I tried to take my own life 3 times, God did not allow it. I remember the last time I tried, a bright light just blinded me from the window. Back then I had no idea I just thought it was the sun, however, God has taken back there in a dream and I saw it was the angel of the Lord who stopped me. I wasn’t even saved but God had my back.
I and my mum decided to move out of the town we used to stay, the memories were too painful for my mum. Things went from bad to worse, my relationship with my Mum was so unhealthy. Constantly arguing every day, it pains me to even write this I showed no respect whatsoever. At the same time, my Mum was hurting some being the only one in the house she would take all anger out on me. I went back to the dark days, crying myself to sleep every night, self-harming and questioning God. Although my dad left and hurt us, I would still try to find ways to communicate or meet up. Everything I did was not enough, being the only child, I didn’t understand. It got to the point where I
was told that I don’t matter, or you were a cover-up, but my dad was there for my cousins and what not. It was so hurtful seeing display pictures of them calling him dad and appreciating all he does for them.
However, when I got saved at 17 my spiritual eyes were open. The Holy Spirit showed me that through everything God has always taught me to love still, imagine being hurt so bad but still loving someone? It can only be God. Through that love God has healed me, no its not been easy but because of God I stand at peace of mind. The process still goes on, but God has been good.
I still pray for my dad out of love, I may have been hurt but I’m still here. Sometimes understand that the presence of the devil truly influences people. So, we should battle this in prayer, God will stand before us. I can proudly say that after 5 years of no communication, last year my Dad got hold of me.We are now working on our relationship, surely the Lord has never forsaken me. I sometimes wonder where and who would I be if I hadn’t gone through this? God used such a heart-breaking
situation to make me. I can’t stop thanking God for my Dad now honestly, I wouldn’t be who I am today, I wouldn’t even understand my worth had it not been for this rejection. Rejection unmasked something beautiful in me. My encouragement to you is that, there are certain things that God allows you to go through not because he’s forsaken you but so that He can move you to another glory. What you go through, is preparation for something greater and a breakthrough. God has been faithful in ways I cannot express; this testimony is just one of many ways where I have seen the hand
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